Welcome to Reset Learning Studio, a monthly newsletter to help you reach your greatest potential. Reset combines professional coaching with spiritual lessons to help you live a meaningful life. Each month, you can expect a theme with lessons, practices and tools to help you in your personal and professional life.
February's Theme: An Explosion of Feelings
The other day, I saw a man who reminded me of my late grandfather, going through the trash in front of my apartment building looking for food. It was a cold but sunny Saturday morning, I was walking home with Dev after having breakfast and going to the bookstore. I watched as the man, likely in his 60s, cogent, poised, and put together, carefully examined a half-full carton of eggs and a package of ground beef I had thrown away the night before because they'd reached their expiration date and I'd forgotten to cook them.
I immediately felt a wave of guilt wash over me. How had I become a person who was so wasteful of resources when I could still recall childhood moments when I would have given anything for a half-carton of probably fine eggs? I would have savored them. Back then, so many simple things seemed like a treat.
I gave the man $20 and wished him a happy new year, hoping to express respect for my elders. Then I went up the stairs to my apartment and cried uncontrollably for an hour. I cried because I felt bad about myself. I didn't like the person I had become. Somehow, I'd become a person who mindlessly accumulates *stuff,* with a pile of Amazon boxes by the door, and who is unable to appreciate precious resources like eggs and meat that animals give their lives for.
Sometimes when I tell people about my childhood, I pick up that they feel sorry for me, but I'm not. I am grateful for I grew up and I wouldn't change it. In fact, it's actually one of my favorite things about me. Poverty made me grounded, appreciative, and hardworking. I was someone who could meet everyday treasures with a profound sense of awe. I thought carefully before I bought things, and then I felt grateful for them every day. That morning I cried because it was so clear that I'd lost touch with this very important, special, part of myself.
I also cried thinking about the inequality in the world. How could it be possible that just three blocks away, people were buying $1,200 sweaters, while this man, no different from them, didn't have enough money for food? I also couldn't understand how now I was inhabiting such a beautiful Manhattan apartment when just 15 years ago, a $200 student bookstore bill I couldn't pay stopped me from getting my diploma for years.
That morning, I experienced an explosion of feelings, both good feelings and uncomfortable ones. I felt ashamed and sad, but I also felt gratitude and appreciation just as strongly. It was a swirl of intense emotions, seemingly in contradiction to each other, but existing within me all at once. At first, when I started crying, I had no idea why I was so upset. I was clearly emotionally affected, but consciously I didn't know why. Because I used to bury my feelings deep down for most of my life, it still takes me some time to really understand what is going on, but I'm glad I've learned how to get there.
One of my favorite tools for helping make sense of my emotions is to work with the Feeling Wheel below (image by Illustration by Grace Lee / Mindbodygreen Creative. I examine the wheel and choose three feelings I'm most strongly experiencing in the present moment. Then I ask myself, "What caused me to feel this way?
Now, what about you? What are your top three feelings right now and what caused them? How strong is each one? What is it like to let them all co-exist at once?
As much as I don't always welcome an explosion of feelings, the human capacity to experience many disparate emotions at the same time is truly remarkable. We're lucky like that.
Dear Liz,
Hi Liz - I would love to know which books (if any) you've come to love and have supported your journey. Could you share a list of books you recommend to your followers?
-Sandra, 25, Salinas, California
Dear Sandra,
I give the books I read 90% of the credit for the growing up and evolving I've done over the past decade. They truly saved my life, and I'd be honored to share my favorite ones with you here.
Favorite beginning meditation books
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama
Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön
Favorite relationship books
Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Agustus Masters
Favorite books for healing from childhood trauma
Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
Favorite general spiritual books
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra
The Empath's Survival Guide by Judith Orloff
The Untethered Soul, and The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer
Favorite general self-help books
The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks
The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz
The Power of Receiving by Amanda Owen
My favorite writing books
Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg
Good Prose by Tracy Kidder
The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr
The Writing Life by Annie Dillard
Favorite books to learn about Astrology
The Changing Sky by Steven Forrest
Predictive Astrology by Bernadette Brady
Astrology for Yourself by Demtra George
My favorite overall books
A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit
Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Where the Past Begins by Amy Tan
Cheering you on through your journey of learning,
Liz
Today 2/2
Today is the exact halfway point between Winter and Spring. It's a fortuitous moment to set your intention for what you want over the next few months. It's a good time for a new beginning.
"For Your Birthday" by John O'Donohue
I'm an Aquarius and it's my birthday in exactly two weeks! I also have a bajillion Aquarius friends, so it seems like literally every week it is the birthday of 2 or 3 of them. This is my favorite time of the year. I always read this poem to myself and it reminds of what birthdays really mean.
"A Slight Change of Plans" podcast
It's no secret that my current life, with fertility treatments, running my own business, and starting my career as an author, has been filled with uncertainty and unexpected plot twists. I've found a lot of support in hearing other people's stories of change from this podcast. This episode, where Maya Shankar, the host, talks about her own IVF challenges, had me in tears.
That's it for this month. I'm really glad you're here.
Love,
Liz
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