Life Skill No. 1: Seeing Yourself Anew

It's easy to take yourself for granted. But it's also easy to stop.

When Dev and I got married, he handbound a booklet for the 27 guests at our wedding. Flip to page three, and you’ll find a list of our values as a couple. One of the values is “Seeing Each Other Anew.” It means that no matter how well we think we know each other, we promise to never make assumptions based on the old stories and histories between us. It gives each person room to change within the relationship and asks their partner to appreciate it when they do.

The other day, I found this booklet and thought about how this practice of “Seeing Each Other Anew” isn’t just important in long-term relationships with other people, but also in the long-term commitments we have for ourselves. Can we see our work anew? Can we see our habits anew? Can we observe our lives as if we were aliens from another planet witnessing them for the first time?

In that spirit, I’m ready for a fresh start with this newsletter, hence the name change and rebranding. I’m ready to see my writing anew.

When I started Reset five years ago, I was juggling several simultaneous transformations. I was changing careers, starting my own business, and in the first year of dating Dev. I had just dyed my hair blonde, moved apartments, and was ready to be someone new. Someone closer on the outside to what is on the inside.

Me in 2019, at Newark airport, eating snacks and on a literal and metaphorical journey.

Back then, there were existential wonderings about my life: Should I leave NYC? What is my calling in life? Am I good enough to write a book? Is this relationship forever? I know those answers now. Yes, I hope that I am growing a bit each day, but there aren’t any big murky unknowns to make my way through.

In Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston writes, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” Now, I’m in my answering era. It’s not better or worse than the years that ask questions. It’s just different. I’ve settled into a beautiful life that is steady and stable, and the energy to “figure out my life” that propelled Reset just doesn’t resonate with me anymore.

With that, I officially welcome you to the new version of this newsletter – Life Skills with me, Liz Tran!

Each post will feature a new “life skill," which is an idea or framework drawn from business, psychology, or spirituality, that can improve the quality of our lives. It’s something we need but were never taught in school. I’m excited to create an archive of actionable skills to support the happiest and most effective version of your life.

With that, let’s put the focus back on you. Today’s post is about how to see YOURSELF anew, and I want to offer three little practices that will help you fall in love with yourself again. Just as we must work to feel the same initial spark with our long-term romantic partners, we must do the same for ourselves.

When it comes to getting the spark back with partners, Esther Perel says we must see our partners shine through the eyes of other people. For example, maybe traveling somewhere with your partner reminds them of how fearless and curious you are. Or, you witness them be lively in funny in conversation and suddenly appreciate them more.

Can you do the same for yourself? I know it’s hard. We’re with ourselves every minute of every day and it’s easy to take ourselves for granted. I know sometimes I am completely bored of myself. But, can you acknowledge how wonderful you must appear to someone who is seeing you anew?

Here are the practices:

1. Celebrate Your Shifts: I love this quote from Bryan Stevenson - “Each one of us is more than the worst thing we’ve done.” What is one thing you don’t like about your past that is now no longer true? Perhaps it is the way you treated another person that you regret. Or a bad pattern that you’ve broken. Maybe it is a choice you made that you wish you could take back. Today, take a moment to appreciate that you, in the present moment, would not find yourself in that position again. Now is the time to celebrate and feel proud of your growth.

2. Re-Describe Yourself: The words we say about ourselves matter. But sometimes we get stuck into ruts. We get on autopilot with how we talk about ourselves, and that means we’re on autopilot about how we think about ourselves, too. Today, choose a description of yourself that you put out into the world and rewrite it. Here are some ideas for what that might be:

   1. Reframe what you say when someone asks you “What do you do?” Write down a brand new way of describing yourself that is more true to this exact moment. Bonus points for rewriting your bio.

   2. Rewrite the description on your LinkedIn profile to incorporate your most current projects and areas of interest.

   3. Try something different in the “about me” section on a dating app

3. Help Someone Else See You Anew: Who is someone who has known you for a long time? How has your relationship become comfortable and predictable, and what might you do to shake it up and help them see you anew? Maybe this looks like hanging out with them in a way you’ve never done before, or talking to them about a part of your life you’ve assumed they’re not interested in.

You are talented. You are tremendous. See yourself anew and soak in the wonder that is your life.

Until next time,

Liz

Life Skills with Liz Tran is a newsletter archive of ideas and frameworks across business, psychology, spirituality, and relationships that improves the quality of our lives. Every two weeks, executive coach and author, Liz Tran, shares a new Life Skill, brought to life with studies, stories, and ways to practice. Life Skills is a gentle and real-world approach to self-improvement.