My Manifesto for Turning 40

Spoiler Alert: It's Life Skill #2: "Fuck it and Be Happy"

When my mom was 40, she had a 13-year-old (me), and a 15-year-old (my brother), and was still wearing mini skirts, rolling up to work late at 11 am, and chasing guys around like a teenager. Tomorrow, I will also be 40. My child is a little baby. I work hard, pecking away at my computer, picking up a never-ending trail of toys, and I wear sensible shoes and loose pants. In some ways, I feel much older and more burdened than I remember her being, but in more ways, I am lighter, brighter, and more youthful than my memories of her.

This week, I realized that my secret weapon to this lightness is Life Skill #3: Fuck It and Be Happy. I focus on what I have, the great abundance in my life, and I willfully ignore the rest. This isn’t to say that I don’t acknowledge what’s messy, embarrassing, or imperfect about my life, but I intentionally place multiples more attention on the good stuff than the bad. I’m alive and free, and while I’m no longer young, I am younger than I’ll ever be again.

Me at 30 (left) with my Ikea couch and self-help books. Then me at 40 (right). I'm older, tired, and still have acne. But I say, "Fuck it and be happy!"

I intentionally cultivate feeling younger, not by trying to recapture my 20s, but rather, by recapturing my childhood when finding satisfaction was easy. I had a dumpy, grey, rock that was my pet, and my copy of The Little Princess, which I read dozens of times, was my greatest treasure. I relished my little spots of sunshine, no matter how tiny or infrequent they were. And now, as an adult, I’m happiest when I can hold onto the same mindset. I let the good stuff be good and I relish in it. I don’t linger too long on the rest.

When I was 12, I took my first-ever flight and wrote a long sappy letter to my friend and unrequited crush, Eric Kim, about the beauty of the clouds I saw from the plane window. I mailed it to him. His brother intercepted it and ruthlessly made fun of me for it. “How are those clouds doing?” he’d ask me for months. Still, I didn’t care. The clouds were beautiful, and I was completely unphased by how weird I seemed to him. This is the energy I’m bringing to my 40’s. I just don’t care anymore! The clouds in the sky are a miracle and not much else matters.

Here are some other things that are true but I can’t be bothered by any longer:

Some people don’t like me — I don’t care!

I still have acne at age 40!— but I think I’m still wonderful.

My publisher didn’t want to buy my second book— That’s okay! I let it go, moved on, and got 3 other offers from dream publishers.

I have made terrible choices in my life, like getting married at 26 (and getting divorced at 30) and not officially graduating college until four years ago, but these stumbles don’t bother me, because I decided I wouldn’t let them. I find it a waste of precious time and attention to fixate on anything I can’t change, namely:

• The Past

• What Other People Think, and

• What Other People Choose to Do

Whenever my mind drifts into these zones, I repeat my mantra: Fuck It and Be Happy! For me, this is the fountain of youth. I grew up watching my mom trying to cajole, manipulate, or guilt the people in her life into doing what she wanted them to do. She spent her waking hours resisting reality. I know her life would have been lighter and brighter if she’d let all of this forcing, focused her attention on herself, and just said, “Fuck It and Be Happy.” Whenever I let go of my regret for what I should have done in the past, or my resentment of how others should be, I know it helps one person tremendously— me!

A much nicer way of saying “Fuck It and Be Happy” is what Mel Robbins writes about in her new book- she says, “Let Them.”

Does your friend want to keep making terrible decisions? Let them!

Is your parent treating you with judgment and condescension? Let them!

Did a potential client decide to go with someone else? Let them!

Here’s a clip of Mel explaining how it works more eloquently than me.

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This brings me to my vision of being 40 years old. I accept that this year will be imperfect. My plans probably won’t shake out how I want, and people and events will inevitably disappoint me. And I’m just going to let them. I will watch things unravel and explode, then I’ll decide to be very happy anyway. To me, this seems like a light, bright, and easy way to live as a very youthful 40— focused only on the good and the abundance, with no room for resentment, regret, or coveting what could be.

In case you need a little help letting things go, I’ve recorded a 5-minute meditation that will help you transcend any negative energy or disappointments that weigh on you.

It would be a very nice birthday gift to me if you listen to this meditation, so you and I can connect across time and space. Or you don’t have to. After all, you know my mindset…LET THEM! In honor of my 40th— do whatever you want and be happy. That’s my M.O. over here. Happy Birthday to me!

Sending you lots of love,

Liz